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Amanda Hart Miller

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humor

The Wii is Not My Bag, Baby

As I’m cooking dinner, I hear: “Mom, you’re still Luigi, and you’re doing better at Mario Brothers now that you’re in the other room than you were when you were actually holding the controller. I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just a fact that’s interesting.”

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A March of Clams

“March. In like a lion, out like a clam,” says Dylan.

“Lamb, buddy. Lamb,” I say. “A lion is ferocious, like winter. A lamb is gentle, like spring.”

“Clams are gentle,” says Dylan. “Clams don’t even have legs. How could they attack you? Seriously.”

“Point taken. March. In like a lion. Out like a clam.”

 

Swiss Army What?

“No,” says Dylan. “Don’t trim that one. I need it. It’s my Swiss army toenail.”

 

–Dylan & Nate are characters from SuperDylan: The Powers of Just Right, an early reader chapter book coming out in the summer of 2013.

Plumbers

Dylan points to two men getting a power drain-snake out of a truck. “Mr. Harris has plumbers at his house! He’ll be so excited when he finds out.”

“He would have had to tell them to come,” I say.

“Oh. I thought they just knew these things,” says Dylan. “Like Santa Claus.”

“Yeah!” Nate grins. “Except these guys aren’t as sneaky as Santa. They’re just letting us stand here and watch them. BEST MORNING EVER!”

You’ll Never Guess

Five-year-old Nate calls me for his bedtime story tonight by saying “You’ll never guess how many virgins I have in here!”
I’m like “What? Oh… versions… of Goodnight Moon. Fantastic. That’s exactly what I thought you said.”

Gummy Bears, Redux

“Woah,” says Dylan after he burps. “Those gummy bears really come back on ya.”

Brotherlove

“Gnight. Sorry I kicked you in the nards earlier.”

“It’s ok. Hope you don’t have bad dreams about me getting you back.”

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